Negative Is Negative
I just got an email from him saying the test for Pheochromocytomas came back negative. Which, considering they were testing for a possibly cancerous tumor, should be a positive thing. But it’s not because at this point the hospital has run out of ways to poke him and are kicking him out. So now he gets to choose between making an appointment with Johns Hopkins,which could take a while and is a considerable distance away, or waiting until he’s not feeling well again and go the the VA hospital where he will mostly likely be given a cocktail of drugs and sent on his way. But with the VA he will be in their system at that point and can hopefully use their network to find someone who really can help.
I haven’t called him yet… I’m a little upset and even though he was trying to be positive in his email I know he’s devastated. It’s horrible to see the man you’ve always found to be dependable and strong be made helpless by an intangible thing like blood pressure. It makes me sad and it makes me angry. It also makes me feel helpless… a phone call may provide some support but I’m not there and I can’t hug him or see if he’s lying when he cracks wise and then says “I’m fine, Brandi, really.” And most selfishly, I’m scared because I can’t lean on him to get through this.